I am so glad to get out of here tomorrow.. I have never been like this and I need some time to heal.. Just when i was starting to feel like I was coming out of this, my mother has to make me feel like a horrible mom. Yes I am not enjoying the job right now. I am kind of not enjoying the fact that I am alive right now. and the only thing in the long run that has kept me from just running away and disappearing is Coraline. I want to do this right, and I want to do that for her. I don't want to screw her up. I don't want to be this impatient all the time. I am doing the best I can to fix the problem so I don't continue to be a crazy person, and can focus on her.
I am really sick of everyones opinion of me. I realized tonight that I have had some kind of standard to keep up. An Image. I feel like I am letting everyone down because I don't get to fuck up. I think I would really enjoy if everyone would stop treating me like I am supposed to be better then who I am. You all think I'm crazy, but im not.
You all think I'm strong, but im not.
Nothing I am doing is that big of a deal. I wish people would be happy for me. and not make me feel like an idiot and an asshole. You are all just jealous that I am willing to change the things in my life that arent working for me. just sit there on your cushions and never appreciate them.
Let's do this 30's I'm ready.
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