Feel like I should write

Wow. I feel like im being turn in half. I finally after all this time, had a break through . I was able to in one session of crying tell myself that it was stupid and that I just needed to except that I wasn't in love with Danny anymore. He could give me every excuse in the world, and I could let him. But what I truly feel is that it doesn't matter. Through this. Through all the time I've spent hurting and lying in bed for days, and the crying... It's just been me, having a hard time excepting that it is just me. No one else. I've felt selfish got feeling that way. I've felt like I'm wrong. Like I'm crazy.

Tonight I met Jennessa's family, and I feel like after all my "praying" to find another human that I could look up to. The universe finally gave me that person. She saw in me what I needed someone to see, and she made me feel like I wasn't stupid. Like everything I felt was real. I just need to be around better people. It's almost 2am on Black Friday. And I feel better then I have in... Almost a year. From a stranger. 

It's just so weird. Before all that, I had a pretty good talk with Danny about how I don't love him anymore. And how last night it just finally hit me that I needed to detach from him if I was ever going to get out of this bed. Because I keep waiting for him to prove to me that our love is not conditional. When he can't seem to prove that it isn't

I love Danny, I think he could be a great person.  But his image, power and money just feel to me like they are more important then actually being happy.

And honestly if I'm not enough to make him happy enough to not be scared to leave it all. Then I'm not being enough security for him either.

I regret nothing. But I sure am ready to have some thinking time. Hopefully after the talk i had tonight . That made me feel not do crazy for feeling the way I do.

I'll be able to judge things better. And know it's all about me. And for every single person , it should be.