I think I snapped

So... I am having a serious nervous breakdown. No one is really taking me seriously... but I can barely move, can't stop crying, super hyper sensitive to light, sound, touch... everything.. I have a hard time eating.... I am afriad to be around people right now. even people I know.. actually kind of especially people I know. I feel judged, I feel everyone is disappointed in me and i feel constantly attacked.  I almost bailed out of doing the show because I have been so weak, and distracted emotionally. Every day is harder, more crying, less appetite, getting weaker and disoriented..

Yesterday I felt good, I had been extremely upset, and Danny stayed home from work sunday to be around for me. it helped a lot. i was so weak and disoriented and he helped me get focused for the show. I actually got pretty excited and we got all ready, I was loving my costumes and nathan looked beautiful. and then we find out the show has been moved to next week! what a let down... I am not sure i can wait that long right now... We got some great pictures at least.. We spent the rest of the night in the garage, me taking pictures and playing with them.

Meanwhile I guess danny was festering about the fact i wasnt hanging out with him. and went to bed mad at me. well the thing is it always seems to hurt more when ive had a good day... and i am so crazy fragile at this point... anything will upset me. and i am teetering on disappearing. But the next morning i realized he was mad with me... he tried to hide it but just that fact... well i litterally kind of snapped.. i couldnt get out of bed. stayed in bed all day. I was so emotionally unstable today that something happened with conscious state and i started seeing lots of pretty purple when i closed my eyes. it got to a point where... the darkness when i close my eyes looks different. It looks like it is farther away from my face kinda? also everything has chasers and everything looks pixelated kinda..

Danny came home to me still in bed, a mess. he brought me a jamba juice but i ended up dropping it. i couldnt even talk. i had been freaking out all day about having to eventually see someone. I am not even sure anymore what i want. and im not sure what i expected out of him.. but he came and layed down with me and fell asleep. didnt ask anything, didnt say anything. i didnt like that. and with the way i had felt all day, i just got up and left. no phone, no money... no underwear. i just got up and walked. i walked over to franks house, freaking out every time a car drove by and saw me. and i was a little scared to see him.. i wasnt ready to even try talking. but he seemed to understand. it took me almost an hour to get there, im surprised i even made it all the way. i just layed in one spot and barely moved for 2 or 3 hour.
then nathan showed up and they kinda made me eat. which helped. and sit up. which helped. and talk a little. which helped too! i got a ride home from nathan, feeling a little better.. and i get home to danny who is crazy mad and build a fortress in all the doorways to keep me out. I am back into depression. luckily i am too wore out and weak to cry much any more. the funny thing is how bad i just wanted to leave today. just drop everything and go.. after tonight.. it might happen tomorrow ;P